Consistency
It’s easy to post a list of core values on the refrigerator. It’s much more difficult for parents to be consistent. Consistency lets children know what to expect and what is expected of them. Of course, children will push boundaries but inconsistency from parents confuses children.
Community
Everyone involved in your child’s development are critical to modeling and upholding core values. Parents need to work with these important role models to foster the importance of doing the right thing, at the right time, in the right way, and for the right reasons.
Commitment
Parents need to commit to model and reinforce to their children the core values and character strengths that mean the most to them. They also need to be creative and offer meaningful experiences that illuminate how important these character strengths are to the family’s core values.
Conversations
We know “We need to talk” freaks kids out, but too often parents avoid having conversations about character, especially as children get older. While it may not be easy to talk sometimes, we know from the research that parents who avoid talking to their children about serious matters quickly lose trust and connection.
Celebration
Parents need to find ways for their children to be active participants in their own character growth. Optimal character development occurs when children begin to make self-motivated commitments to consistently practice a core value (e.g. “I want to be the kind of person who is always honest and shows up on time.”) Parents need to celebrate these moments to shape and define individual character.
Thank you. I’m a retired counselor/psychologist from a character education school. The work changed my life and all the people who worked in our school for more than 20 years. Now I’m an “engaged” retired citizen watching grandchildren grow and so deeply grateful for those working hard now to do the work most doing–building a humane society and culture. I continue to work on “finding my ways . . . . . .” through those lovely grandchildren and my own grown “children.”
Arthur, when Dr. Tom Lickona was on my dissertation committee to construct the Character Growth Index, we had many deep discussions about assessing love. The struggle was real!
Paul the apostle lists the fruit of the Spirit in the Bible book Galatians 5: 22,23. The first one is agape, followed by joy, peace, patience, and 5 more. Some Christian theologians have said that what Paul meant was that the fruit of the Spirit is Love: (expressed as) joy, peace, patience, etc. Love is all-encompassing as a character strerength. If we grow in one strength, we grow in love.
I love that you take the time to think these deep thoughts, self reflection and have the courage to see room for improvement. Sometimes the issue is loving ourselves first. We have to remember that love as a thoughtful response is a choice. That helps me.